1 May 2016 - ONE-LINERS





ONE-LINERS

G'day folks,

Here are some one-liners to make you smile ... Or throw up.


Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
~~~~~
My friend has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, he takes something for it.
~~~~~
Did you hear about the big fight that Madonna, Cher, Jewel, and Fabio had?
They're no longer on a first-name basis.

~~~~~
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.

~~~~~
If you take a shower in the morning be sure to bring it back,
  someone else might need it!!

~~~~~
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
~~~~~
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
~~~~~
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
~~~~~
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
~~~~~
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?


Just when you think you've hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
~~~~~
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
~~~~~
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.
~~~~~
You know you are over-the-hill when you're just too tired to climb one!
~~~~~
Why is stuff sent on ships called "cargo" and UPS sends "shipments?"
~~~~~
Never criticize your wife's faults.
It might have been those faults that kept her from getting a better husband.

~~~~~
For Sale: One computer slightly used.  One bullet hole in screen.
~~~~~
If a "fatal" error is made with the E-mail I sent, does that mean I killed somebody?
~~~~~
What's the speed of dark?
~~~~~
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
~~~~~
It's a small world -- unless you gotta walk home.
~~~~~
Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii?
~~~~~
 I'm going to start thinking positive, but I know it won't work.
~~~~~
At age 66 I'm bisexual.  I said bye to sex.
~~~~~
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.
~~~~~
"It is better to have loved a short man, than never to have loved a tall."
~~~~~
Money talks but all mine ever says is "goodbye."
~~~~~
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn't it #1?
~~~~~
The other night I laid in bed looking up at the stars and I thought to myself,
"Where the heck is the roof?"

~~~~~
With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.
~~~~~
Help Wanted - Psychic - you know where to apply.
~~~~~
Light travels faster than sound.
That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~~~~~
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
~~~~~
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
~~~~~
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
~~~~~
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
~~~~~
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
~~~~~
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically-challenged.
~~~~~
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.




The 50-50-90 Rule:
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

~~~~~
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

~~~~~
You can't have everything - where would you put it?
~~~~~
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
~~~~~
The things that come to those that wait
may be the things left by those who got there first.

~~~~~
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
~~~~~
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
~~~~~
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
~~~~~
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use one.
~~~~~
When you go into court you're putting yourself in the hands of 12 people
who weren't smart enough get out of jury duty.

~~~~~
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.




Clancy's comment: Some were fairly lame, eh? However, some made me think.

I'm ...










30 April 2016 - DOLORES HUERTA





DOLORES HUERTA

G'day folks,

Welcome to another outspoken woman. Dolores Clara Fernández Huerta is an American labor leader and civil rights activist who was an early member of the National Farmworkers Association, which later became the United Farm Workers.



Synopsis

Dolores Huerta has worked to improve social and economic conditions for farm workers and to fight discrimination. To further her cause, she created the Agricultural Workers Association (AWA) in 1960 and co-founded what would become the United Farm Workers (UFW). Huerta stepped down from the UFW in 1999, but she continues to her work to improve the lives of workers, immigrants and women.

Early Life 

Activist and labor leader Dolores Fern├índez, better known as Dolores Huerta, was born April 10, 1930, in Dawson, New Mexico, the second child of Juan and Alicia (Chavez) Fernandez. The young family struggled and by the time Dolores was three, her parents divorced and her mother moved Dolores and her two brothers to Stockton, California. Dolores maintained a relationship with her father, who later became a union activist and a New Mexico state assemblyman. Juan’s own political and labor activism later proved inspirational to Dolores.

When the family first arrived in Stockton, a farming community in the San Joaquin Valley, Alicia worked two jobs to provide for the family. Dolores’ grandfather, Herculano Chavez, took care of the children, serving as the children’s adult male figure. Dolores admired her mother who was always encouraged her children to get involved in youth activities and become something. Alicia worked hard to provide music lessons and extracurricular activities for Dolores and her brothers. Dolores played violin, piano and took dance lessons. A good student, she was also a Girl Scouts up until she turned 18 and she won second place in a national essay contest.

Growing up, Dolores experienced the racism many Mexican and Mexican Americans suffered from, especially those who were farm workers. At school, she was sometimes treated with suspicion and scorn. She was once accused by a teacher of stealing another student’s work because was convinced Dolores was incapable, due to her ethnic origin. Despite this, the family’s economic conditions improved. During World War II, Alicia ran a restaurant and then purchased a hotel in Stockton with her second husband, James Richards. The businesses served the farmworkers and day laborers. 



After graduating from Stockton High School, in 1947, Dolores Fernandez went through a marriage, the birth to two children, and a divorce. After a series of unsatisfying jobs, she returned to school and eventually completed a teaching degree at Stockton College, part of the University of the Pacific. She briefly worked as an elementary school teacher, but resigned because she was so distraught over the poor living conditions of her students, many of them children of farm workers. Determined to help, in 1955, she and Frank Ross started the Stockton chapter of the Community Services Organization (CSO), a grass-roots group that worked to end segregation, discrimination and police brutality and improve social and economic conditions of farm workers. During this time, Dolores married Ventura Huerta, another labor activist. The couple would go on to have five children. 



A Life of Activism

In 1960, Dolores Huerta started the Agricultural Workers Association (AWA). She set up voter registration drives and lobbied politicians to allow non-U.S. citizen migrant workers to receive public assistance and pensions and provide Spanish-language voting ballots and driver's tests. During this time, Dolores met Cesar Chavez, a fellow CSO official, who had become its director. In 1962, both Huerta and Chavez lobbied to have the CSO expand its efforts to help farm workers, but the organization was focused on urban issues and couldn’t move in that direction. Frustrated, they both left the organization and with Gilbert Padilla, co-founded the Farm Workers Association (FWA). The two made a great team. Chavez was the dynamic leader and speaker and Huerta, the skilled organizer and tough negotiator.

In 1965, the AWA and the FWA combined to become the United Farm Workers Organizing Committee (later, UFW). That year, the union took on the Coachella Valley grape growers, with Chavez organizing a strike of all farm workers and Huerta negotiating contracts. After five hard years, the United Farm Workers (now affiliated with the AFL-CIO) signed an historic agreement with 26 grape growers, which improved working conditions for farm workers, including reducing the use of harmful pesticides, and initiating unemployment and healthcare benefits. In the 1970s, Huerta coordinated a national lettuce boycott and helped create the political climate for the passage of the 1975 Agricultural Labor Relations Act, the first law to recognize the rights of farmworkers to bargain collectively. 



During the 1980s, Dolores Huerta served as Vice-president of the UFW and cofounded the UFW’s radio station. She continued to speak for a variety of causes, advocating for a comprehensive immigration policy and better health conditions for farm workers. In 1988, she nearly lost her life when she was beaten by San Francisco police at a rally protesting the policies of then-presidential candidate George H. W. Bush. She suffered six broken ribs and a ruptured spleen.

Later Life

Dolores Huerta has been honored for her work as a fierce advocate for farm workers, immigration, and women. She received the Ellis Island Medal of Freedom Award and was inducted in the National Women’s Hall of Fame in 1993. That year proved bitter-sweet for her as she also experienced the passing of her beloved friend Cesar Chavez. In 1998, she received the Eleanor Roosevelt Award, a year before she stepped down from her position at the United Farm Workers. In 2002, she received the Puffin Foundation/Nation Institute Award for Creative Citizenship. The $100,000 award provided her the means to create the Dolores Huerta Foundation’s Organizing Institute, whose purpose is to bring organizing and training skills to low-income communities. Huerta continues to lecture and speak out on a variety of social issues involving immigration, income inequality, and the rights of women and Latinos.  




Clancy's comment: Go, Dolores! Yep, things don't change unless someone gets up and barks. Love ya work!

I'm ...